I feel your loss most keenly in those moments between sleeping and waking, when dreams have not quite given way to my new, bleak reality and my mind tricks me into thinking that you are still by my side.
Often I wake fully whilst my eyes are still closed, the lids illuminated by soft pink dawn light, and cannot bring myself to open them to the absence of you in the puddle of the sheets we picked out together. Sometimes, I manage to gather my courage alone, but sometimes it will take a small shy voice saying uncertainly – “Mummy?” And then my heartache will be entirely eclipsed by steely resolution, and I will sit up and begin my day.
Thanks for stopping by 🙂
As ever, italics such as those above are fiction unless it’s a diary or I’ve stated otherwise.