I’m back!!! WordPress was banned in China but now in Hong Kong…see sidebar for the travel blog, there’s an update 🙂
Here’s a poem draft to kick things off! See what you reckon…I made up ‘Rivenbrook’ (or so I thought…I made it up using common bits of English village/town names) and a quick Google reveals it’s an electronics store somewhere, lol.
This is the first time in years I’m attempting to use rhyming verse to tell a story (last time was at school!), I’d like to get better at this, as I think it’s a really fun type of poetry!
A Witch’s Visit
On one fine golden autumn day,
When leaves turn red and brown,
A young witch did visit Rivenbrook,
’Til then a prosp’rous town.
Seeking to join the harvest feast,
She came not to trick or con,
But witches are of ill repute,
And the people wished her gone.
“You’re not welcome!” came the cry,
Not one man wished her there,
And they refused to hear her speak,
As she walked towards the square.
Her heart then filled with fury
At this unjust discourse,
And cursing all of Rivenbrook,
She left with no remorse.
That eve a spark of fire,
Strayed too far and set alight
First one thatch, then another,
And soon the town burned bright.
The night was filled with terror,
And with dawn tolled the bell,
Survivors spoke in hushed voices,
Of the witch’s “wicked spell”.
No-one remembered their spite,
Or the witch’s affronted look,
And witches are still unwelcome,
In the remains of Rivenbrook.
My partner particularly didn’t quite think one verse flowed that well (he liked the concept/rest of it!), but I thought I’d put the whole thing out there as a draft and see what you guys think! The title is a working one also.
I am SO GLAD to be back and will be reading all of what I’ve missed soon on my favourite blogs 🙂 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
7 thoughts on “Poetry draft: ‘A Witch’s Visit’”
Awww, I think you pulled off the rhyming really well! Personally I have trouble writing rhyming poems without the overall effect seeming forced or childish, but these felt very smooth and the rhymes weren’t the same-old same-old predictable ones, either. 🙂 The storytelling part was nicely done, as well. I had to read the last verse twice to properly figure out the rhythm of it, but that might just be me… Overall, the poem was an enjoyable read! 🙂
Also, I really like the name “Rivenbrook” – suits an old village far more than it does an electronics store 😛 My favourite stanza was the one in which you described the spreading of the fire. Especially the line: “First one thatch, then another.” The slight caesura in the line seems to mimic the effect of the flames spreading from roof to roof, with a moment’s pause in between as they stretch between houses.
Hey! Thanks so much for the feedback 🙂 I’m glad it didn’t sound forced!! Haha ‘look’ and ‘Rivenbrook’ was stretching it a bit in that final verse, that may be why. I love this type of poem though so gonna keep at it and practising 🙂
Also I have learnt a new word today: caesura. Thanks for that and I like the comparison you’ve drawn on the thatch line structure 🙂 I actually hadn’t thought of that but that’s awesome!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooh, that was lovely. The only stanza that gave me pause was the rhyming of ‘there’ with ‘square’. I think the snag comes because the last line of that stanza seems to want an additional syllable. Otherwise I thought it was great!
Hey! Nice to meet you 🙂 thank you so much for your kind words and feedback – very useful 🙂 Off to check out your blog now… 😀
This is beautiful! They rhyming was spot on and the story to was great. I’m glad I came across your blog. This is amazing work!
Hi! Nice to meet you 🙂 Thank you so very much for your beautiful comment – means a lot 🙂 🙂 I’m currently travelling so posts are more infrequent than usual but I hope you’ll continue to enjoy my writings 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person